just think about how much i already have....

i realized that it's very easy for me to forget just how much i already have in my hand. it is so much that my room is full of stuff that i can't even count or name. the problem with what i have now is that all of these are given to me for free and none of them are acquired by myself. yes, i did pay for this room with the money in my bank account. and i did pay for the new coat in the closet. but so what? all the money in my bank account is either given by my parents or the school. even if it's given by the school, the school gives me money b/c it accepted me as a grad student. how did i become grad student at this particular school? b/c i went to a particular other school, and although i did horribly during those years, there are some qualifications that this school thought were appropriate for it (which i absolutely think was a fatal mistake). how did i get those qualifications? did i do anything to acquire those qualifications? unfortunately, no. i didn't do anything to get those qualifications. my effort was never fully given to such things in my rather short twenty something years of life. it is my impression about my life so far that i never exerted my full effort to anything anyone anywhere. nothing. nada. despite that, i still got roomful of stuff. amazing. ain'it? in my hands, there are still so many things that may look amazing to some people and quite pitiful to the others.
now, if i think what i have now is absolutely none of my effort, what do i do with this? b/c i'm such a greedy and jealous person, i don't think i would throw away anything that's given to me, regardless of it's being free or not. if i wouldn't throw away anything, what do i do? i have to think about my life and see if anything of these are useful now, near future, or far future. as much as i'm greedy and jealous, i'm also content. and that is in terms of staying content with whatever that i have at the moment. i will probabaly be able to find some use of everything at some point in my life.
one thing that i learned from my life is that you have to keep things tight and fresh if you don't want to lose them. so i guess i will adhere to the principle for now. i should keep things in my hands tight and fresh. they might become handy someday. hey, you never know where He will lead you to.

Welcome

Seol's place. Enjoy. though there is nothing.